JACKSONVILLE, Florida – Jeff Waters walked into a Bank of America Monday morning and attempted to cash a check for $368,000,000,000 dollars. The check Waters had written to ‘Cash’ was reportedly from U.S. Bank of Idaho and issued in the 90s. Tellers at the Jacksonville bank were immediately suspicious.
Waters explained to bank officials a homeless man named Tito Watts sold him the blank check several months ago for $100 and told Waters the check would clear for any amount of money that Waters wanted to write it for.
Waters wanted the $368 billion to start an Italian restaurant.
“It’s always been my dream to own the best Italian restaurant in the earth,” Waters told police. “I’m 10% Italian. Cooking authentic Italian food is in my blood. I had planned to make the restaurant 80 million sq. feet and able to accommodated (sic) 30 million eaters at once, plus it was gonna be totally underwater so people could look at sharks while they ate. But the bank wouldn’t give me my money they owed me. Tito said the check was good for any amount I wanted to write it for. So blame Tito, not me. I’m as innocent as a schoolgirl.”
In addition to a forgery count, Waters was charged with unlawfully carrying Chinese throwing stars and possessing bath salts. He was released after posting $23,000 bail.